This isn't working....

I have worked hard to avoid using disposable products at home for decades. Plates, cups, towels ... even napkins.

It's not working.

Although my strength has increased, and I'm getting more done, I also have more to get done. I discovered after showering today that my stamina is, well, variable.

I've decided to resort to disposables in the kitchen, temporarily.

After I made the decision, I realized that there are additional benefits. After each chemo treatment there will be a period when I am neutropenic -- when my immune function is at its lowest. Disposables may help protect my health.

Hair loss

I looked for hair loss at the hospital, after the chemo. Didn't see any.

It was lurking. And sneaky.

I've been combing and brushing my hair, but not with any real vigor. I just washed my hair myself; in the hospital the nurses washed my hair, while I protected my surgical port. It's been nearly a month, so I was thorough. Still no inkling....

Until I rinsed it under the shower and happened to look down. My chest was covered in hair. My hands were covered in hair. The drain was covered in hair -- I was really glad I put the trap in when I pulled the plug.

I rinsed and rinsed and rinsed. I ran my hands through each section. I rinsed some more.

I let it dry and picked up a comb. More hair; back to the bathroom. I combed it over the sink....

No, I'm not bald. I don't look that different. But the evidence is clear....

Note to self...

"Before showering, make sure that your next meal is in the microwave, ready to press "Start", in the dish from which you plan to eat."

It's been three hours. I still can barely walk or pick up my arms.

All I want to do is go to bed, but I need to eat. It's taking forever.

Fear

I didn't expect the fear.

2/1/09:

The fear was just the first night. For fifteen days I had been monitored around the clock. Here I was alone, getting ready to lie down for the night, not knowing whether I would have a long, slow insulin reaction in my sleep, not knowing what else might happen.

I survived. I felt good the next day. The fear didn't return.

Light

I haven't been in full darkness in 15 days. Now that I'm home, every room in my apartment looks too dark!